he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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