my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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