New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
