I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
