i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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