Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
