My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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