Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
