did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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