im having a threesome with these popsicles
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize