Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
