We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
