So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
