I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I AM VODKA MAN
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
