So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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