i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
