Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
