Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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