So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
