oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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