Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
