So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
