Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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