nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
