come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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