its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
