I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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