I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
