Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
