you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
