We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
