Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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