just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
