i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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