# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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