put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Congratulations! We have a period
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