it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
