i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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