Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Farmville is her only friend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
