he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
