My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
