Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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