I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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