Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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