very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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