Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
