The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
