So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
