ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Are my feet made of real feet?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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