Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I FOUND THE LEGS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
