Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize