We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
is it fun? or sober?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
