i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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