Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize