It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
