I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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