areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
