whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
