Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
