cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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