Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
