your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm passing your future prison.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
