so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
