I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
