i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
