You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
