I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
