So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
