thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
