so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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