The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
