i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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