i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
