Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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