True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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