my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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